-Reuben Lowing

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Dr. Dennis Waitley’s definition for, “Love is, choosing only to see that which is good and giving value to others.”   I get a lot of people who counter this definition with Paul’s definition of Love, “Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,”   but I never see any of these critiques demonstrate this example.  The problem with Dr. Dennis Waitley’s definition is that it can cause you to compromise, discount of fail to acknowledge fatal flaws in one’s character.  These flaws in character don’t go away they only grow and become even more critical the longer they go unchecked.   In Neil Ducoff’s book “Non-Compromise Leadership” he recommends addressing issues sooner than later and it can be done less harshly than if the problem festers. 

I learned training young kids to box while living in Panama, this short skinny, redhead, freckle faced boy never seemed to do anything right, then one day I had three heavy bags hanging in the car port with two boys on each bag and we were between rounds and Chris, on his own threw a perfect left hook.  I got so excited he was startled!  I explained how he moved his weight from his left foot to his right foot, turned his shoulders, brought his elbow up and turned his hips.  After that, he not only threw his left hook correctly but started throwing his other punches more correctly.  Then the other boys started doing the same thing because they wanted the same kind of positive recognition.

Roy Jones Sr. told when I made a comment about how he was able to stand working with unscrupulous managers and promoters and he replied “In boxing the guy who screws you today might save your ass tomorrow.  You’ve got to keep you friends close and your enemies closer.”  His meaning was that when you know what to expect from people they don’t disappoint you or surprise you.  It’s like dealing with a two year old child, when they have their raging temper tantrums they can’t hurt you or really cause you any pain so you just let them know whose boss and who’s in control and you can still love them even if they get angry beyond comprehension.  It’s for their own good and once they understand the boundaries and learn to operate their life and everyone around them will be easier. During those terrible twos, you know what to expect and how to handle it and that they’ll still love you no matter how mad that they get.

Now I understand what my Grandma Blackledge handled Grandpa, I never saw her raise her voice at him, she would just get up and walk out of the room with her up and before you know it, grandpa would get out of his chair and do as she would ask. 

Mr. Swanson my track coach had a similar style.  He would just not focus on you if you weren’t functioning or performing up to his standards and the lack of his extremely precious attention and the contrast of how you felt about yourself with and compared to what it was like without it made you conform. 

I believe that when you know what to expect from someone else and caring enough about them to give that gentle but persistent push toward the right direction and knowing how the focus of the pressure is going to react to it.  Just like how you know the way your two year old child is going to react to being made to do what is required or what is in their best interest despite their desires.   This is grace!  When Christ says, "For the children of this world are more prudent in dealing with their own generation than are the children of light.” He understood that despite their sinful nature, these sinners have value.  Just like the boys I was teaching to box, when I only focused on where they were improving or what they did correct, rather than what they did wrong, they would focus on correctness and eliminate what they didn’t do correctly.  That is the power of grace.  Love without compromise equals grace.